Diagnosis

As I have mentioned, it was only when I was 21 that I was eventually diagnosed with Attention Defecit Hyperactivity Disorder and, bizarrely, it was my digestional woes that led me to seek expert advice.  I have always battled with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (whatever that is) and this began to get out of hand during my final year of university.  Digestion became so difficult that I was often sick after my evening meal.  I started worrying that I had some form of subconscious bulimia.

I wish!

Thankfully the gastroenterologist knocked all such concerns on the head suggesting that this was all related to anxiety and I was sent to see a psychiatrist.  After several sessions with him I was diagnosed with acute anxiety, depression and suspected ADHD and was sent to see an ADHD specialist and very soon I was diagnosed.

The process was pretty unscientific and it is understandable why so many people shun an ADHD diagnosis and see it as an excuse, either for parents, teachers or the sufferer themselves for bad behaviour. 

I was asked a series of questions, filled in a questionnaire and, based on my responses, a diagnosis was made.  When younger people are diagnosed (which is more often the case) parents and teachers are involved in the diagnosis and it is very obvious where the scepticism comes from.  I am quite sceptical myself but the more I read, and the more I learn about myself and the condition, the more convinced I become that ADHD is a real condition and that diagnosis, however unscientific, is in some cases, important and necessary.

I was already taking anti-depressants prescribed by the psychiatrist when the ADHD diagnosis was made and was then given Ritalin for the ADHD.  I was also referred to a lady who saw me weekly for cognitive behavioural therapy or CBT.

The diagnosis made complete sense to me.  It made sense of my life, my personality, my irrepressible urges and my insufferable moods. 

The anti depressants helped level my anxiety and mood and the Ritalin had the most incredible effect. It lifted this thick veil of foggy exhaustion and confusion from my mind.  I went from walking through treacle to walking through air.  I felt an enormous sense of freedom, excitement, adventure and potential.  For the first time in my life, I enjoyed a class.  I found it interesting and was able to concentrate for about 70% of it which was an incredible revolution for me. 

I’m not quite sure how well the CBT worked.  I’m not sure I gave it as much of a chance as I should have.  The Ritalin felt like a cure and everything in my life seemed to be getting so much better that I probably didn’t harness its potential as much as I could or should have.  One day I will try it again.

I don’t use Ritalin every day anymore.  I use it when I need it – in long and complicated meetings or for interviews.  I’m not sure whether that is a good or a bad thing and should probably check with a doctor that it is safe so please, ADHD people, don’t take this as advice!

My ADHD still affects me and those close to me every day.  It is intertwined with my personality and it can be incredibly hard to live with but, on the other hand, it is also my friend.  It helps to push me where I wouldn’t otherwise push myself.  It keeps me on my toes.  And every day I think I get a little bit closer to accepting it.